ad astra per alia porci

How to “Niederhoffer” A Class
April 30, 2007, 3:35 pm
Filed under: Lifeskills

Tips on how to do well in university by Victor Niederhoffer

  1. Always take a major course in its off-time. Your competitors will be those who either flunked it previously or aren’t serious about it.
  2. Whenever you are unprepared in class, speak out early so you will be less likely to be called on regarding the assigned material. If you aren’t prepared for a particular question on an exam, write your own and answer it.
  3. Never take a course with a male instructor when attractive females are sitting in the front row (and vice versa). A related principle is that teachers grade students of the opposite sex more leniently than those of the same sex. Because professors of both sexes grade males more strictly than females, males should try to conceal their gender on papers and tests as much as possible, and females should make their gender obvious.
  4. Try to enroll in course that are experiencing declining enrollment. The professor will be grading high to keep the course alive.
  5. Avoid courses taught by graduate student assistants who seem to be trying to engage you or others romantically.
  6. Visit during the professor’s office hours as frequently as possible. It will be harder for a professor who knows you well to grade you harshly, especially if item 3 or item 5 pertains.
  7. Start slowly in courses that are known to be graded according to improvement during the term; incorporate systemic errors in your initial papers and exams so that you will be seen to improve during the course of the semester.
  8. Always recapitulate the professor’s favourite catch phrases and cliches on your papers and exams.
  9. Study the past exams. Previous questions and themes are often repeated.

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